Writing Sex Scenes

I first started writing erotica in 1999 and, over the years, I hope I have improved and developed my descriptive abilities. In a way, writing erotica (well, the kind that I write) is all about writing sex scenes.  I suppose I do use a conscious technique or process which is fairly simple.  As I describe the action, I close my eyes and imagine it happening, moment by moment, to try to ensure both a smooth flow of events and also authenticity.  What does/would this feel like?  It is all about feeling and sensation.  The other reason I visualise is to make sure there is realistic continuity.  For example, if one minute the female protagonist is naked and then in the next paragraph we read she still has her knickers on!  I think about what clothing is being worn and how it is being removed.  The same goes for positioning of body parts.  So if the hero has his tongue inside his lover’s luscious pussy, he won’t be talking dirty to her.  I try to think about what is not physically possible.  It has to be real and realistic and feasible, even within the limits of fantasy, if that makes sense.

I do enjoy using humour via dialogue in some of my sex scenes, although I was told long ago that humour just isn't sexy in erotica and I do understand this, but for me, the sex has to be fun and in real life you often find yourself in bizarre and surreal situations, so I like to use this.

I've just realised I haven’t used the word romance anywhere so far.  I suppose I rarely intentionally make the sex romantic, although this is more likely to be present during a kiss or a gentle touch, or in my BDSM stories. However, quite a few of the stories are actually quite romantic and I only realise this when I read them back afterwards. 

Interestingly, after I wrote this I found a piece by writer and editor Maxim Jakubowski in which he talks about his method for writing sex scenes.
http://kdgrace.co.uk/blog/maxim-jakubowski-shares-how-not-to-write-a-sex-scene/
He also adopts the deep visualisation technique and draws on personal experiences to infuse the scene with authenticity and heart.   Maybe this is how all writers do it?  I can’t imagine any other method.

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